My mother-in-law, Nadya, who has been living on our couch for the past 5 months is flying back home to Belarus today. She came here in January and helped out in the last months of my pregnancy with baby #2. She was here for the birth of baby #2. She met baby #2 at only a few hours old, which was my greatest wish.

I knew when I married my husband, a Belarussian, that there would be difficult times ahead. We withstood a very long distance relationship, muddled through paperwork for a green card, wrestled with insurance as we tried to insure him for the first time in his life (Belarus has socialized medical care), we downsized our wedding so as to afford the blessing of his family in attendance, we have spent thousands of dollars each year to make sure that we can visit Belarus… all of these have cost us time, money and energy. But the most difficult thing we’ve experienced is saying goodbye to Nadya as we gather up her only grandchildren and resume our American life… without her.

It is not normal in America to live with your in-laws. It seems that when the economy is bad or life hands you a lemon, it is more socially acceptable. It’s as if you must have an excuse to invite an “outsider” such as a mother or in-law, cousin or friend into your otherwise seculded lifestyle. When we decided that a 5 month stint with us was exactly what we wanted we knew that we were taking risks and pushing ourselves outside of the norm. But we also knew that having our children know their grandmother is more important than the luxury of personal space.

Over the past 5 months, I’ve realized that it is, in fact, difficult for a family of 4, two cats, and a mom to live in a 2 bedroom apartment of less than 800 square feet. It is difficult to share the kitchen with another woman, and to negotioate bathroom time (we only have one bathroom). It’s hard to get all the errands done, make it on time to appointments and also have time to get to the childrens’ museum with only 1 car and 2 licenses amongst us. It is difficult to translate between a 2 year old’s “English” and a grown woman’s Russian all while trying to keep peace in the home. But… it is possible. And it is more than worth it.

As we crawled out of bed this morning and were preparing to kiss “babushka” goodbye, I really choked up. Of course, I’m sad to see my friend leave, but what makes me sader is the impossible task of explaining this to my 2 year old. I feel sad, most of all, for Nadya who now is not only leaving her own children here in America but her grandchildren. I feel so sad because now that I’m a mom, I understand. I understand that you eventually have to let your children grow up and make their own decisions. You have to let go so that they can become whatever it is that they were created to be, all the while maintaining strength in your sadness and hope for another day when you can all be together again.

I know lots of other international families that have to struggle with this too. It’s great to swap ideas to keep an international family together. Skype has become our savior! I love to meet international families that understand our situation and accept this un-American tradition of 5 people in 800 square feet as a wonderful thing.