You’ve heard it said, ‘too many cooks in the kitchen.’  I think there must be another saying about Russian grandmothers, ‘too many бабушки in one house’ and in birth, ‘too many eyes in the labor room.’

After I had my first baby, with no one there except the dr. and staff and my husband, I was sure that birth #2 would be a perfect opportunity to invite anyone who wanted to see a birth.  There are so few opportunities for women to view normal birth these days.  ‘Normal’ being one that begins on its own, when baby is ready, one that progresses naturally (doesn’t necessarily mean progressing regularly) and one when the momma and daddy call most of the shots.

I wanted to give all of my baby-less friends the opportunity to view birth as it should be to give them confidence in birthing naturally.  But when the day came and I went into labor with baby #2, I didn’t feel the same.  In fact, we called no one until after Fiona was born!  I felt that I needed to focus on me and my family during labor  and didn’t want to entertain any guests.  I did not want any extra ‘eyes’ on me.  I did NOT predict my last minute change of mind, but for us it was perfect.

I am so thankful for moms that allow other women to attend their births.  As a doula, I am thankful for the opportunity to be a set of helpful hands in an intimate family moment.  It’s a sacred blessing to be granted entrance to a birth!

I challenge moms to take time during their pregnancy to really evaluate their OWN desires for their birth day and how many eyes that they want on them.  Note that these desires may change last minute and even during the labor, mom might change her mind.  If you are attending a birth, check your own emotions and desires at the door and take on the mama’s wishes.  If she asks you to leave, don’t be offended – just leave!

Taking the time now to prepare will give mom confidence to say ‘there are too many eyes on me right now’ if she is laboring with friends and needs a moment alone.  It takes a truly confident mom to know what helps her labor and what slows it down. I’ve attended births where the mom really knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to tell us.  It helps the labor to go much more smoothly and give mom the environment that SHE needs.

If you need tips on how to prepare for your birth, email me: lauren@birthisfun!  I’ll be thrilled to talk to you about options and brainstorm what will be best for your birth and your family!

Sometimes a hand is all mom needs to get through a contraction. Skin to skin for pain relief and assurance that she is not alone.

For those of you that are attending a birth as a friend, mother, sister, doula here are some tips on how to be a ‘quiet presence’ instead of an awkward spectator:

-When you enter the room, be quiet! Mom might be in the middle of a contraction, do NOT disturb her rhythm.  When she is done with a contraction, you may approach her and reciprocate the mood that she is in. If she is laughing, laugh, if she is quiet, stay quiet.

-Don’t ask lots of questions.  The laboring moms is working… HARD.  She doesn’t want to answer questions about when her water broke, about contractions, etc. Just observe.  If she seems open to sharing, she’ll share.

-Give her options that are easy to understand and quick to answer.  When mom is in full swing of labor and has little time in between contractions, she can not always decide what she wants. Give her options such as, ‘Do you want counter pressure or no pressure’, ‘Do you want to lie down or get on hands and knees’?

-Keep her hydrated.  The best way to keep mom hydrated is to keep a drink FULL and handy with a straw in it.  Put it up to mom’s lips in between contractions.  If she wants a sip, she’ll take it.  If she doesn’t… she won’t.

-Respect mom’s wishes for quiet and dim lighting.  If you want to carry on a conversation, play video games, watch t.v. or talk on the phone LEAVE THE ROOM.  Remember it is not about your entertainment but what mom wants!

-Lastly, remember to thank mom afterwards for allowing you to come.  You are not entitled to see her birth – doesn’t matter if your the best friend, the mother or her favorite sister… you are not entitled.  Be thankful and tell her that she is amazing, she is beautiful and her baby is perfect.