Today  I was putting my youngest baby, now 1 year, down for her nap.  I rocked her in my arms and sang to her and gently put her in her bed – which woke her and started a bunch of crying. I hugged her and then put her on her belly and patted her back, a little more slowly and a little more gently with each slowing breath that she made.  It struck me then and there that I haven’t had the chance to enjoy rocking her to sleep as much as I did with my first baby.  Having a 3 year old that tears open bedroom doors, makes rocking babies impossible.

I can see how she drifted off to sleep, and transitioned into a calm peaceful state.  Her breath was slow and deep and I could see her body melt into the bed.  I crept out of the room slowly, so as not to wake the sleeping angel and immediately remembered a line from Big Sister E’s newest library book:

‘Lord, we offer thanks and praise for the circle of our days.  For brother sleep and sister death who tend the borders of our breath.’ (The Circle of Days by Reeve Lindbergh and illustrated by Cathie Felstead)

‘Tend the borders of our breath’. I can only imagine that drifting to sleep, by oneself, in a dark room, without knowledge of sleep’s safety and restorative properties is similar to us not understanding what death really is.  We need to teach our children that sleep is good.   A good friend and discipler of me and my husband says, “Sometimes the most spiritual thing that you can do is take a good nap.”  I believe that this is so wise.  But a baby, 3 months, 9 months or 1 year cannot understand that sleep is spiritual or restorative or necessary.  They go to sleep out of instinct, not necessarily desire.

Now brace yourself for this… While patting my baby’s back as she drifted off into a peaceful sleep, I was reminded of how my late grandmother passed away, with all of her children by her side.  My aunt called her brothers and sisters home to bid goodbye to their mother.  They watched as her spirit left her body.  I imagine that she was surrounded by family on this side of life and was greeted by angels on the other side.   She was not alone as she went into the unknown.   She was held, prayed for, gently stroked until she let go.   I now see that the unknown of sleep, for a baby also requires company.

There are some situations, of course, when a baby wiggles and moans in their sleep or wakes up momentarily until they settle themselves back to sleep.  We need not be alarmist and jump to their every move and noise.  But there are also times that they cry out, asking for comfort as they go to sleep and slip into the unknown.  I love moments like today that remind me of how valuable my rocking and patting is.  Now, the challenge is to remember this at 2 a.m. when I am not so clear-thinking!