I went on a vacation last week… without the kids.  In the past  when my oldest, E, has stayed with Grandmommy and Grandad overnight I seem to work overtime preparing – missing her while she’s gone and anticipating her return.  Most of my ‘free’ time is spent consumed with my children.  This is, of course, completely natural as I am equipped to consider my child from the moment that she is conceived.  I am instantly a mother, whether or not I am prepared for the task.

But sometimes, if I try really hard, I can separate a part of myself from my ‘mom’ role and focus on being just me.  This takes concentration and great effort and is certainly not without a small amount of regret.  This ‘me’ time can be something very small.  Most often, it is a small break in the day, when children are resting and I can blog, shop online, talk with a friend or even work.  Sometimes it is something greater, such as planning a fundraiser, a date, a party or going on vacation.

While preparing for this most recent trip to Seattle with only my husband a good friend told me to not spend my time on regretting leaving my kids for a short time.  I needed to revel in the moments that he and I had alone and  be grateful for the help that we get from family and friends.  So, as I dropped off my kids and my cooler of frozen breastmilk at Grandmommy,’  I forced myself to focus on me.  I focused on the ‘me’ that must exist in order for me to be a mom, a friend, a wife, a lover, a teacher and a doula.

Truth is – it was hard to drive away after dropping the kids off, especially since my youngest is only 8 months old.    That first night I had regrets  and second thoughts about my vacation.  But I got over it and by Friday morning’s flight at 6.30 a.m., I was enjoying my time as a woman in love, alone with her husband.

I spent about 15 minutes every few hours hidden in our rental car, bathroom stall or under my scarf pumping and doing my motherly duties.  But the rest of the time, I reveled in life, soaked up one on one time with my husband and dwelled in the moment.  It was the greatest reminder of why I decided to become a mother and why I picked my husband for the role of ‘papa’.  I am so grateful for the community and family that fills in the gaps when I get tired or need time to focus on me.  I now understand, even more the proverb that says, ‘It takes a village to raise a child.’  Sometimes mommies need a break and the village must step in to help mommy rest so she can return fully charged and full of life.    Sometimes being a good mommy means taking time away from your babies, even for just a couple of hours, to reconnect with your spouse, partner, or friend.

If you want some tips on planning your ‘me’ time and pumping while away from your baby, email me and I’d love to share my insight!