I felt like I was catapulted into the 2nd year with my daughter without any instructions or preparation. There are tons of classes on birth, babies, etc. as I well know, but the only “class” that I had on parenting is observation. I believe that my parents were great and I maintain a wonderful relationship with them. But even so, there are some things I want to do differently and things that I want to improve upon. Isn’t that what the “evolution” of the human species is all about after all? Or isn’t that the meaning of “God’s kingdom come, thy will be done”?

When I first heard of Dr. Sears and the idea of “attachment parenting” I had a very defensive response. What kind of parenting would reinforce a child’s dependency? Would “attachment parenting” build children without strong boundaries and create an “everything goes” attitude towards life? Isn’t it better to teach them independence and justice and fear of authority? Don’t fear and love go hand in hand?

So, with a smirk on my face and rod in my hand, I began what I believed was the only way to teach a young child to grow. Of course, I never dreamt of using the “rod” but felt safe with it in my toolbox of parenting tricks. In retrospect, it was the only tool that I felt that I had. So after the newborn phase, I was at a loss of how to take the next step with our first daughter. I was ill equipped and surrounded by advice that was all too similar; most of the advice counterintuitive to my mothering instincts.

Even my husband had instincts against spanking and using deprivation as a tool to get what we as parents ultimately wanted – order. What in the world were we thinking bringing babies into the world if what we sought was order?!! I do believe that in some families and some situations spanking can be a useful parenting tool. For my family, I just want MORE options and MORE freedom.

As I began looking into Dr. Sears’ and his family philosophy of “attachment parenting” I realized that there is a world of knowledge and parenting techniques that are adaptable to my family style and needs. The suggestions of “attachment parenting” are not too demanding of me as a mother, but rather reflect how I would instinctually parent if never given any parenting advice at all.

1. Respond to your baby’s cries.
2. Breastfeed your baby.
3. Wear your baby.
4. Play with your baby.
5. Share sleep with your baby.
6. Become a facilitator (for your baby to develop skills).

There are some of these that are harder for some moms than others, but I think that everyone should try as many of these as they can, as they are natural and loving gestures as parents.

For instance, we don’t keep our children IN our bed, but while breastfeeding at night was still a frequent norm, we kept them BY our bed in our rooms. And I think that all parents will agree that there is nothing sweeter than a Sunday afternoon nap with your babies! The times that I have ignored my baby’s cry I was trembling with fear and angst. This is a chemical response to the distressing cry of a woman’s child. We are created to respond to these cries, just as babies are created with the ability to cry and not to negotiate with words. Babies cannot manipulate. Whether you believe they are basically good or evil, it is beyond obvious that these little creatures cannot contrive evil plans… yet.

So, if I had the chance to sit down over coffee with Dr. Sears, I would take it in a heartbeat. I’d tell him how thankful I am for verbalizing what I feel in my heart is the right way to parent. I’d thank him for putting into words what I as a tired and new mama was unable to vocalize.

I recommend, without pause, The Discipline Book by Dr. William Sears, M.D. and Martha Sears, R.N. as well as many other of there books on nutrition, birth and babies. I am not 100% for or against ANY parenting book out there. I believe that we all have to make adaptations and variations for our own families. I’ve read loads of parenting books and philosophies and challenge new moms to make Dr. Sears a part of your collection too. Also, for those of you that are new parents and would like some options for baby care, I teach a baby class at baby moon that is very helpful in preparation for meeting and caring for your baby as well as caring for yourselves post partum. www.baby-moon.org